Monday, May 24, 2010

Yes, Virginia, there is a Smoke Monster

Last night, like millions of other schmucks, I tuned into the series finale of Lost.

I've been watching the show (religiously) for six years, often complaining that I gave too much of my time to something I barely understood.
Same can be said for men, but I digress.

The finale was 2.5 hours (!) long and moved at a snail’s pace until the last 30 minutes when the writers suddenly decided to perform the ultimate writing sin: they ended the story with a group of dead characters.
If you’re thinking, ‘WTF?’ then imagine how I felt last night when Jack (the main character) uttered the words, ‘I died, too’.

I threw my head back and yelled, ‘Ha! I was right all along—this is a form of purgatory!’.
I love being right but I was hoping for more. Much more.

I'm left with some serious questions  (for you fellow Losties, I’m sure you’re in the same, pathetic boat):

What exactly was the Smoke Monster?
The Smoke Monster had been harassing the islanders since season 1 and really, became one of the main characters. However, the writers did not address Old Smokey at all in the finale.

Did Jack have a son or not?
I’m very confused over this. So, was this Jack’s fake son that he needed to get over the issues with his Dad in purgatory? Or was this fake son really Jack as a child?
For fuck's sake.

Where the hell were Michael & Walt?
For the first few seasons, Michael and his son Walt were main characters of the island. However, the writers did not write them into the sideways story at all. Perhaps because of the lack of connection with the other characters? Perhaps because the actor who played Michael trash-talked the show after he was killed off?

What the writers did offer us in exchange was the final scene when Jack kicks the bucket, Vincent (that’s Walt’s dog he left on the island when he and his dad escaped) lays down beside him. Cute but I would have liked to see how the Walt & Michael story turned out.

What was the point of Rose & Bernard?
Seriously, what did they offer Lost? They were sketchy little characters that really added nothing to the plot. They would show up from time to time but if you blinked, you would miss them.

The Boone & Shannon characters were far more interesting but they were killed off very early in the series.  Oh, well.  At least they were in the finale for about 30 seconds.

Why wasn’t Helen (Locke’s fiancĂ©) in the church at the end?

What really did go on between Widmore & Ben and why was Eloise Widmore such a fucking bitch?
Their issues were never really discussed or resolved. Nor was Eloise's bitchy ways.

Why do I care so much?
Um, because I gave six years to character's that I loved, only to discover that they were dead the whole time.  NONSENSE. 
Lost writers should have taken lessons from Alan Ball.  There's a writer that can tie up a series in a neat, little bow for the viewers.

So, are there any Losties out there reading this?
If so, enlighten me.