Artists say it all the time; 'Inspiration is all around, you just have to open your eyes'.
So, once upon a time, I was living this phrase; I was inspired to write everyday, no matter how hectic my schedule was. However, sitting here now, uninspired I know exactly why I used to write more; naïveté.
Once I announced that I am officially going to write a novel, things changed. As an over-achieving, slightly OCD basket case, I placed an enormous amount of pressure on myself and agonized over every sentence, every word. I can literally spend days on one sentence. Isn't that ridiculous?
Currently, I am in the midst of changing my novel from first person to third person, with a twist. Don't ask--it's hard to explain what I want to accomplish. It's a genius idea (in my head) and if I can pull it off and write it the way it deserves to be written, I know my book will be better off.
This new idea of mine has made me feel like running the other way instead of tackling it, head on. It's so much work to change now but if I don't, I know I'll regret it. If I don't, I'll obsess over it until I do.
I fear my novel has become a chore.
I used to write because I loved it so much, not because I expected to get published. I could write anywhere, anytime, it all seemed so simple. I could write a 1000 words on my subway commute to work in the morning--easy peasy. Now, I'm lucky if I can get a few hundreds words down in a week.
This past month, I've been trying to find that old love again but it's been terribly difficult because I have unfinished chapter after unfinished chapter, hanging over my head. I can hear my characters screaming for attention, screaming for some well-written prose--they're fed up with me. I have to say, the feeling is mutual.
Instead of whining about it (ok, so this post is kind of whiny), I've decided to blog more and write some short stories, create some different characters. I have even decided to start writing poetry again, something I haven't done in a VERY long time. Don't be alarmed, I won't be posting any of it on this blog.
I think if I can get some distance from my novel, I can look at it from a different perspecitive. I'm hoping I'll miss it so much, I'll come running home one day, open my laptop and not stop typing for days on end. You know that feeling when your fingers can't keep up with the thoughts? I love that feeling. I miss that feeling. To me, that's inspiration.
I hope that trite saying really is true; 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'.